Self Created Obstacles to Change and How to Get Over Them.

When trying to develop or change yourself for the better, sometimes you find yourself with obstacles in your way. Now here is the thing. Some of those obstacles may have been put there by yourself. At least, that is what I have found.

So what reasons do we have for putting obstacles in our own way when it comes to changing ourselves? Well here are three reasons that I think are important to address when it comes to obstacles and personal change.

1) Secondary gains for staying the way we are.
Perhaps we get something from the way we are today - even though we think we want to change. Let us look an example. John has agoraphobia. It has developed over a period of time and now he is house bound. His wife loves him very much and she hates to see him this way and cares for him during his illness. John wants to change but at the same time doesn't do the anything to help himself change. He doesn't even try. A psychologist might say that John enjoys the attention he gets from having this condition or he enjoys being mothered and looked after. In psychology, this is called a secondary gain.

Do you have any secondary gains preventing you changing for the better? Ask yourself what is more important to you? Is this change worth more to you than the secondary gains?

2) You have a fear of failure.
Again let us use an example to help describe this self created obstacle. Peter hates his job. He feels lonely, isolated and the people he works with seem to be all self-serving rats in a rat race. Despite all this, his job is relatively secure and well paid. He has a family to provide for and a mortgage to pay. He feels secure. As time goes by his mental health begins to suffer - he starts to feel depressed and he has more arguments with his spouse. Yet he is afraid to change job. He is afraid of the unknown. He thinks the worst might happen i.e. that if he goes to another company he will not be able to do his job as well and he will get fired, he will loose his home and everything he ever worked for. He feels trapped.

Living under the burden of fear is a terrible thing but it is a very easy state to find yourself in. Especially in today's society. Ask yourself if fear is stopping you from changing for the better. Ask yourself - is your mental health suffering from staying where you are now? Look at past experiences of change in your life - the last time you changed job, was it really that bad?

3) You are letting perfectionism stop you from action.
Are you waiting for the right moment to change? Are you waiting for the right conditions to change? Do you want to be able to do these new things perfectly and don't want to start doing them until you feel you can do them perfectly? Remember things don't have to be perfect for you to change NOW. Are you telling yourself "I will change job when I feel more settled in my home?" or "I want my C.V. to be perfect before applying for my DREAM job!" then you discover these PERFECT times never come and you have missed your opportunities? Stop and ask yourself has perfectionism stopped YOU from progressing.


SOLUTION:
How do you know if I am putting obstacles in my way? Well you ANALYSE, ANALYSE, ANALYSE your thoughts and motivations! Here is how:

- Question your motives for NOT changing.
- What are your motives FOR changing?
- List out your life priorities. Take your time and work out what is important for you in this life and what you want to change?
- List out what things you have done right to reach your goals.
- Ask yourself WHY you haven't changed? Pretend your are being interviewed by a hard hitting newsperson. Write out how the dialogue might go between you and the journalist. How would they question your answers?
- After the imaginary journalist has finished with you - do you have any valid reasons left for not changing?

The main theme behind all this questioning is being honest with yourself. You may be surprised by how many obstacles YOU are putting in your way and once you realise this - it will become much easier to LEAP OVER THEM!

Good Luck,
Allen

Self Created Obstacles to Change and How to Get Over Them.

When trying to develop or change yourself for the better, sometimes you find yourself with obstacles in your way. Now here is the thing. Some of those obstacles may have been put there by yourself. At least, that is what I have found.

So what reasons do we have for putting obstacles in our own way when it comes to changing ourselves? Well here are three reasons that I think are important to address when it comes to obstacles and personal change.

1) Secondary gains for staying the way we are.
Perhaps we get something from the way we are today - even though we think we want to change. Let us look an example. John has agoraphobia. It has developed over a period of time and now he is house bound. His wife loves him very much and she hates to see him this way and cares for him during his illness. John wants to change but at the same time doesn't do the anything to help himself change. He doesn't even try. A psychologist might say that John enjoys the attention he gets from having this condition or he enjoys being mothered and looked after. In psychology, this is called a secondary gain.

Do you have any secondary gains preventing you changing for the better? Ask yourself what is more important to you? Is this change worth more to you than the secondary gains?

2) You have a fear of failure.
Again let us use an example to help describe this self created obstacle. Peter hates his job. He feels lonely, isolated and the people he works with seem to be all self-serving rats in a rat race. Despite all this, his job is relatively secure and well paid. He has a family to provide for and a mortgage to pay. He feels secure. As time goes by his mental health begins to suffer - he starts to feel depressed and he has more arguments with his spouse. Yet he is afraid to change job. He is afraid of the unknown. He thinks the worst might happen i.e. that if he goes to another company he will not be able to do his job as well and he will get fired, he will loose his home and everything he ever worked for. He feels trapped.

Living under the burden of fear is a terrible thing but it is a very easy state to find yourself in. Especially in today's society. Ask yourself if fear is stopping you from changing for the better. Ask yourself - is your mental health suffering from staying where you are now? Look at past experiences of change in your life - the last time you changed job, was it really that bad?

3) You are letting perfectionism stop you from action.
Are you waiting for the right moment to change? Are you waiting for the right conditions to change? Do you want to be able to do these new things perfectly and don't want to start doing them until you feel you can do them perfectly? Remember things don't have to be perfect for you to change NOW. Are you telling yourself "I will change job when I feel more settled in my home?" or "I want my C.V. to be perfect before applying for my DREAM job!" then you discover these PERFECT times never come and you have missed your opportunities? Stop and ask yourself has perfectionism stopped YOU from progressing.


SOLUTION:
How do you know if I am putting obstacles in my way? Well you ANALYSE, ANALYSE, ANALYSE your thoughts and motivations! Here is how:

- Question your motives for NOT changing.
- What are your motives FOR changing?
- List out your life priorities. Take your time and work out what is important for you in this life and what you want to change?
- List out what things you have done right to reach your goals.
- Ask yourself WHY you haven't changed? Pretend your are being interviewed by a hard hitting newsperson. Write out how the dialogue might go between you and the journalist. How would they question your answers?
- After the imaginary journalist has finished with you - do you have any valid reasons left for not changing?

The main theme behind all this questioning is being honest with yourself. You may be surprised by how many obstacles YOU are putting in your way and once you realise this - it will become much easier to LEAP OVER THEM!

Good Luck,
Allen

DON'T JUST SIT THERE - MOVE!

DON'T JUST SIT THERE - MOVE!
Photo By N. Ireland Wallpapers / Desktop Backgrounds

Quick tip for today:

While thinking about your posture at work - it is better to MOVE OFTEN than to SIT WELL.

Good Luck,
Allen

DON'T JUST SIT THERE - MOVE!

DON'T JUST SIT THERE - MOVE!
Photo By N. Ireland Wallpapers / Desktop Backgrounds

Quick tip for today:

While thinking about your posture at work - it is better to MOVE OFTEN than to SIT WELL.

Good Luck,
Allen

Even Without a Garden You Can Grow Your Own Potatoes!

Even Without a Garden You Can Grow Your Own Potatoes!

In this day of people trying to be more organic or more "green" - this is a great way of making a small step towards being more organic.

There are a couple of ways you can do this if you are short of space or have no garden. This is the way I am growing potatoes this spring.

- Take a fertilizer bag or any large strong bag. My bags are about 100 litres in size. Put some holes at the bottom of the bag for drainage.

- Half fill the bag with general purpose compost.

- Roll down the bag until the top of the bag is a centimetre or so above the compost.

- Take two seed potatoes (try the salad type which will be harvested in June/July).

- Plant these potatoes eyes up. The eyes are the little sprouts of shoots that should be coming out of the seed potato. If your seed potato has not got any shoots then set them on a tray near a window and wait until some shoots appear.

- Place them just below the surface.

- Water gently - not too much as you don't want to rot the budding shoots.

- As the plant grows you are going to roll the bag a bit up at a time and add more compost. Don't forget to water weekly and feed with some plant food.

- When the plant flowers then its time to harvest. Simple rummage through the bag for your lovely spuds!

Repeat for as many bags as you want.

Now I haven't done this before so I will keep you posted on how it goes. Apparently this method works and is a great way to have your own potatoes!

Another way of growing potatoes when you don't have the space is to use a "Potato Barrel" - as shown in image above.

Here is the method for working with the barrel.


Planting

You need 80 Litres of a good general purpose compost. Pour 6in. of compost into the bottom of the barrel and plant 5 seed potatoes (shoots or eyes uppermost), about 2in. deep. Position one potato in the centre and the other 4 in opposite corners. Do not soak the compost at this stage as this may rot the tubers. When the shoots have grown about 6in. high, add a second layer of compost around the plants, exposing just the tips. Repeat this process in layers of about 4in. until the compost and the shoots reach 1in. below the top of the barrel.

As the main stem grows towards the top of the barrel, it sends out potato-bearing side shoots all the way up, eventually producing 'new' potatoes. Potato foliage continues to grow until it is 1-2ft above the top of the barrel.

Watering and Feeding

Once the plants are well established the compost needs weekly watering and feeding with a high potash/low nitrogen soluble plant food (eg. a propriety tomato fertiliser). Do not skimp on feed and water as potatoes are greedy, especially when in a tub.

Harvesting

Eventually the plants produce tiny white or pink flowers. This is the time when potatoes should be ready to harvest. Lift the sliders in the barrel sides. The compost should be held in place by the tightly packed roots. If the potatoes are big enough, ease them out. The potatoes will keep on growing until you have harvested the whole barrel.


Let me know how it goes if you choose to do this!

Allen

Even Without a Garden You Can Grow Your Own Potatoes!

Even Without a Garden You Can Grow Your Own Potatoes!

In this day of people trying to be more organic or more "green" - this is a great way of making a small step towards being more organic.

There are a couple of ways you can do this if you are short of space or have no garden. This is the way I am growing potatoes this spring.

- Take a fertilizer bag or any large strong bag. My bags are about 100 litres in size. Put some holes at the bottom of the bag for drainage.

- Half fill the bag with general purpose compost.

- Roll down the bag until the top of the bag is a centimetre or so above the compost.

- Take two seed potatoes (try the salad type which will be harvested in June/July).

- Plant these potatoes eyes up. The eyes are the little sprouts of shoots that should be coming out of the seed potato. If your seed potato has not got any shoots then set them on a tray near a window and wait until some shoots appear.

- Place them just below the surface.

- Water gently - not too much as you don't want to rot the budding shoots.

- As the plant grows you are going to roll the bag a bit up at a time and add more compost. Don't forget to water weekly and feed with some plant food.

- When the plant flowers then its time to harvest. Simple rummage through the bag for your lovely spuds!

Repeat for as many bags as you want.

Now I haven't done this before so I will keep you posted on how it goes. Apparently this method works and is a great way to have your own potatoes!

Another way of growing potatoes when you don't have the space is to use a "Potato Barrel" - as shown in image above.

Here is the method for working with the barrel.


Planting

You need 80 Litres of a good general purpose compost. Pour 6in. of compost into the bottom of the barrel and plant 5 seed potatoes (shoots or eyes uppermost), about 2in. deep. Position one potato in the centre and the other 4 in opposite corners. Do not soak the compost at this stage as this may rot the tubers. When the shoots have grown about 6in. high, add a second layer of compost around the plants, exposing just the tips. Repeat this process in layers of about 4in. until the compost and the shoots reach 1in. below the top of the barrel.

As the main stem grows towards the top of the barrel, it sends out potato-bearing side shoots all the way up, eventually producing 'new' potatoes. Potato foliage continues to grow until it is 1-2ft above the top of the barrel.

Watering and Feeding

Once the plants are well established the compost needs weekly watering and feeding with a high potash/low nitrogen soluble plant food (eg. a propriety tomato fertiliser). Do not skimp on feed and water as potatoes are greedy, especially when in a tub.

Harvesting

Eventually the plants produce tiny white or pink flowers. This is the time when potatoes should be ready to harvest. Lift the sliders in the barrel sides. The compost should be held in place by the tightly packed roots. If the potatoes are big enough, ease them out. The potatoes will keep on growing until you have harvested the whole barrel.


Let me know how it goes if you choose to do this!

Allen

5 Concepts from Self Help Books that Worked for Me

Hi there,

The whole point of my blog was to show - anyone that was interested - that not all self help was constructive and not all self help was useless new age waffle.
I was thinking to myself the other day about what aspects of the self help books I have read lately that have found of beneficial to myself.

Here are the concepts I have found that have helped me and where I found them.

1) Life is difficult.

The very first words from the grandfather of self help "The Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck. Life is indeed difficult and don't let anyone fool you into thinking otherwise. Suffering is unavoidable in life - it goes hand in hand with living. I learnt this from a very early age when my mother died from cancer. I have also learnt that a lot of suffering can make you stronger in the long run. Suffering can also allow you to empathize with the suffering of others and thus develop compassion for other people. You cannot avoid suffering.

2) Train your mind by avoiding cognitive distortions.

Recognize the kinds of irrational thinking that you, like everyone else, tend to engage in from time to time. Reducing your irrational thinking will often help you to become a happier person. This does not mean you should delude yourself into thinking everything is great when it clearly is not. No. What I mean is that there are some bad thinking habits that should be noted and changed. These habits include irrational beliefs or misinterpretations of external events. An example of an irrational belief would be that you feel you must be perfect in everything you do otherwise you are worthless. An example of misinterpretation would be overgeneralization i.e. that guy cut me off - drivers today are terrible!

For more examples see the brilliant summary in the book "Mind Performance Hacks" by Ron Hale-Evans (Hack #58) or the book "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" by Dr.David Burns.

3) 6 traits that you can develop that will transform your life and the world.

These traits are taught through out the major world religions and for good reason. It is not a secret! These traits are - compassion, patience, tolerance, forgiveness,selflessness and love. If we must be selfish let us develop those traits in ourselves and happiness will follow. I have been trying to do this for some time and it does transform how you think and feel about the world around you. I have to say that I feel happier and less stressed and people around me feel I am easier to live with too! :-)

Read "The Art of Happiness" by the Howard Cutler and the Dalai Lama for more on this.

4) Relax.

If you practice some form of daily relaxation it will act as the foundation to dealing with your everyday stresses. Try mediation (its easier than you think), progressive muscle relaxation or yoga. If you do this regularly it will change the whole way your mind and body react together when it comes to stress. I have to admit I do find it difficult to find time to do this. I am not a morning person (e.g. A lot of meditators get up at 4 or 5am to meditate) but I try and fit in daily relaxation exercises and treat it like brushing my teeth. It is something I need to do to stay healthy.

Read "The Calm Technique" by Paul Wilson.

5) You don't need to run a marathon and eat carrots everyday to be fit and healthy.
I try and do some yoga every other day and go for brisk walks. A brisk walk is where I am walking at such a pace that I break into a bit of sweat for about 30 minutes. So with those two forms of exercise I am getting aerobic, strength and flexibility exercises without having to go near a gym. If you enjoy sport it is half the battle as you have fun when you exercise. Try and find somewhere nice to go for your walks or you could go swimming at your local pool and treat yourself to a sauna afterwards.

See "The Integrated Health Bible" by Dr. Mosaraf Ali


I hope you find this post useful and you explore the concepts I have mentioned. I have found them to be very useful and you don't have to do anything special or spend a lot of money to learn them.

Good Luck!
Allen

5 Concepts from Self Help Books that Worked for Me

Hi there,

The whole point of my blog was to show - anyone that was interested - that not all self help was constructive and not all self help was useless new age waffle.
I was thinking to myself the other day about what aspects of the self help books I have read lately that have found of beneficial to myself.

Here are the concepts I have found that have helped me and where I found them.

1) Life is difficult.

The very first words from the grandfather of self help "The Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck. Life is indeed difficult and don't let anyone fool you into thinking otherwise. Suffering is unavoidable in life - it goes hand in hand with living. I learnt this from a very early age when my mother died from cancer. I have also learnt that a lot of suffering can make you stronger in the long run. Suffering can also allow you to empathize with the suffering of others and thus develop compassion for other people. You cannot avoid suffering.

2) Train your mind by avoiding cognitive distortions.

Recognize the kinds of irrational thinking that you, like everyone else, tend to engage in from time to time. Reducing your irrational thinking will often help you to become a happier person. This does not mean you should delude yourself into thinking everything is great when it clearly is not. No. What I mean is that there are some bad thinking habits that should be noted and changed. These habits include irrational beliefs or misinterpretations of external events. An example of an irrational belief would be that you feel you must be perfect in everything you do otherwise you are worthless. An example of misinterpretation would be overgeneralization i.e. that guy cut me off - drivers today are terrible!

For more examples see the brilliant summary in the book "Mind Performance Hacks" by Ron Hale-Evans (Hack #58) or the book "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" by Dr.David Burns.

3) 6 traits that you can develop that will transform your life and the world.

These traits are taught through out the major world religions and for good reason. It is not a secret! These traits are - compassion, patience, tolerance, forgiveness,selflessness and love. If we must be selfish let us develop those traits in ourselves and happiness will follow. I have been trying to do this for some time and it does transform how you think and feel about the world around you. I have to say that I feel happier and less stressed and people around me feel I am easier to live with too! :-)

Read "The Art of Happiness" by the Howard Cutler and the Dalai Lama for more on this.

4) Relax.

If you practice some form of daily relaxation it will act as the foundation to dealing with your everyday stresses. Try mediation (its easier than you think), progressive muscle relaxation or yoga. If you do this regularly it will change the whole way your mind and body react together when it comes to stress. I have to admit I do find it difficult to find time to do this. I am not a morning person (e.g. A lot of meditators get up at 4 or 5am to meditate) but I try and fit in daily relaxation exercises and treat it like brushing my teeth. It is something I need to do to stay healthy.

Read "The Calm Technique" by Paul Wilson.

5) You don't need to run a marathon and eat carrots everyday to be fit and healthy.
I try and do some yoga every other day and go for brisk walks. A brisk walk is where I am walking at such a pace that I break into a bit of sweat for about 30 minutes. So with those two forms of exercise I am getting aerobic, strength and flexibility exercises without having to go near a gym. If you enjoy sport it is half the battle as you have fun when you exercise. Try and find somewhere nice to go for your walks or you could go swimming at your local pool and treat yourself to a sauna afterwards.

See "The Integrated Health Bible" by Dr. Mosaraf Ali


I hope you find this post useful and you explore the concepts I have mentioned. I have found them to be very useful and you don't have to do anything special or spend a lot of money to learn them.

Good Luck!
Allen

The Beginner's Mind.

Hi there,

This is a very useful technique when it comes to learning.

To quote wikipedia:

Shoshin (also pronounced nyuanshin) is a concept in Zen Buddhism meaning Beginner's Mind. It refers to having an attitude of openness, eagerness, and lack of preconceptions when studying a subject, even when studying at an advanced level, just as a beginner in that subject would. The term is especially used in the study of Zen Buddhism and Japanese martial arts.

The phrase was also used as the title of Zen teacher Shunryu Suzuki's book: Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, which reflects a saying of his regarding the way to approach Zen practice: In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, in the expert's mind there are few.


You can apply this in real life by approaching a subject with the mind of a beginner even if you feel you are already an expert! I remember such an example when I worked as a computer programmer. I had worked on a particular system for a few years and I really felt that "I knew it all". To be perfectly honest - I was a little bit arrogant about it! I then moved to another company who really pushed the system to it limits. I had a difficult time as I thought I knew it all and I was making lots of mistakes and my colleagues were surprised as they thought I knew it all too! If I had approached this new company with a "beginners mind", being honest with myself about what I actually knew, I would have caused less conflict and learnt much faster.

This technique can be applied in lots of areas of your life. Give it a go and you will be impressed by how much you will learn about the subject you are studying and yourself!

Good Luck,
Allen

The Beginner's Mind.

Hi there,

This is a very useful technique when it comes to learning.

To quote wikipedia:

Shoshin (also pronounced nyuanshin) is a concept in Zen Buddhism meaning Beginner's Mind. It refers to having an attitude of openness, eagerness, and lack of preconceptions when studying a subject, even when studying at an advanced level, just as a beginner in that subject would. The term is especially used in the study of Zen Buddhism and Japanese martial arts.

The phrase was also used as the title of Zen teacher Shunryu Suzuki's book: Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, which reflects a saying of his regarding the way to approach Zen practice: In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, in the expert's mind there are few.


You can apply this in real life by approaching a subject with the mind of a beginner even if you feel you are already an expert! I remember such an example when I worked as a computer programmer. I had worked on a particular system for a few years and I really felt that "I knew it all". To be perfectly honest - I was a little bit arrogant about it! I then moved to another company who really pushed the system to it limits. I had a difficult time as I thought I knew it all and I was making lots of mistakes and my colleagues were surprised as they thought I knew it all too! If I had approached this new company with a "beginners mind", being honest with myself about what I actually knew, I would have caused less conflict and learnt much faster.

This technique can be applied in lots of areas of your life. Give it a go and you will be impressed by how much you will learn about the subject you are studying and yourself!

Good Luck,
Allen

How To Stop All or Nothing Thinking - Speak in E-Prime

Hi there,

Many people find all or nothing thinking - also known as binary thinking - a common issue when dealing with cognitive distortions.

I have noted that many people find that speaking in E-Prime may reduce the tendency to label situations and people into certain categories.

From Wikipedia:

E- Prime attempts to remove the verb “to be” in all its forms from English: be, is, am, are, was, were, been and being, plus all the contractions. This has the tactical effect of eliminating the passive voice. According to proponents, it forces the writer (or speaker) to think differently, and often results in language that most people find easier to read. Some call E-Prime a variant of the English language, while others approach it like a mental discipline to filter their own speech and translate the speech of others. For example, the grammatical construct changes “The movie was good.” to “I liked the movie.” Telling someone “the movie was good” imparts the state of goodness to the movie, rather than communicating the subjective nature of one's experience of the movie.


E-Prime forces a writer to choose verbs and meanings carefully: the elimination of "to be" implicitly eliminates the passive voice and progressive aspect. Some defective verbs, such as "can", use paraphrases involving "to be" in some tenses and moods. This constraint alone accounts for much of the appeal of E-Prime to some of its advocates, since many stylists argue that such constructions occur too frequently in sloppy English writing. Of course it may also generate difficulties for some writers as they learn to use E-Prime.


An example of how E-Prime might work.

So the short poem:

Roses are red;
Violets are blue.
Honey is sweet,
And so are you.

One possible translation in E-prime:

Roses appear red;
Violets seem blue.
Honey tastes sweet,
And you please me too.

To use this tip, simply eliminate all uses of the verb "to be" from your communication for a given period of time, whether an hour, a day, or the time it takes you to write an email that you fear will turn into a flame.

I have indeed found this technique useful when I wish to speak in a diplomatic tone such as in a meeting

In my experience - I have found this technique useful to illustrate how people possibly label situations by using words such as:

be
being
been
am
is; isn't
are; aren't
was; wasn't
were; weren't

An example:

"That is a spaceship!"

In E-prime:
"That certainly looks like a spaceship to me." (Implication: it merits further investigation. What does it look like to you?)

You could go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/E-prime as a place to learn more about E-Prime.

Good Luck,

Allen

P.S. I wrote this article entirely in E-Prime, except for the examples.

How To Stop All or Nothing Thinking - Speak in E-Prime

Hi there,

Many people find all or nothing thinking - also known as binary thinking - a common issue when dealing with cognitive distortions.

I have noted that many people find that speaking in E-Prime may reduce the tendency to label situations and people into certain categories.

From Wikipedia:

E- Prime attempts to remove the verb “to be” in all its forms from English: be, is, am, are, was, were, been and being, plus all the contractions. This has the tactical effect of eliminating the passive voice. According to proponents, it forces the writer (or speaker) to think differently, and often results in language that most people find easier to read. Some call E-Prime a variant of the English language, while others approach it like a mental discipline to filter their own speech and translate the speech of others. For example, the grammatical construct changes “The movie was good.” to “I liked the movie.” Telling someone “the movie was good” imparts the state of goodness to the movie, rather than communicating the subjective nature of one's experience of the movie.


E-Prime forces a writer to choose verbs and meanings carefully: the elimination of "to be" implicitly eliminates the passive voice and progressive aspect. Some defective verbs, such as "can", use paraphrases involving "to be" in some tenses and moods. This constraint alone accounts for much of the appeal of E-Prime to some of its advocates, since many stylists argue that such constructions occur too frequently in sloppy English writing. Of course it may also generate difficulties for some writers as they learn to use E-Prime.


An example of how E-Prime might work.

So the short poem:

Roses are red;
Violets are blue.
Honey is sweet,
And so are you.

One possible translation in E-prime:

Roses appear red;
Violets seem blue.
Honey tastes sweet,
And you please me too.

To use this tip, simply eliminate all uses of the verb "to be" from your communication for a given period of time, whether an hour, a day, or the time it takes you to write an email that you fear will turn into a flame.

I have indeed found this technique useful when I wish to speak in a diplomatic tone such as in a meeting

In my experience - I have found this technique useful to illustrate how people possibly label situations by using words such as:

be
being
been
am
is; isn't
are; aren't
was; wasn't
were; weren't

An example:

"That is a spaceship!"

In E-prime:
"That certainly looks like a spaceship to me." (Implication: it merits further investigation. What does it look like to you?)

You could go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/E-prime as a place to learn more about E-Prime.

Good Luck,

Allen

P.S. I wrote this article entirely in E-Prime, except for the examples.

A Simple Way to Re-generate our Cities...

Hi Everyone..

In the spirit of self help for lazy people here is a small tip I overheard someone talking about.

In order to brighten our environment - all we need to do is scatter seeds. When you go for a walk take some seeds with you - use seeds from a good hearty plant. Plant them among the weeds or in patches of waste land and wait and see what happens.

Simple but beautiful.

Allen

A Simple Way to Re-generate our Cities...

Hi Everyone..

In the spirit of self help for lazy people here is a small tip I overheard someone talking about.

In order to brighten our environment - all we need to do is scatter seeds. When you go for a walk take some seeds with you - use seeds from a good hearty plant. Plant them among the weeds or in patches of waste land and wait and see what happens.

Simple but beautiful.

Allen

5 Tips on How to Survive Life When You leave College

I remember when I was in my final year of university or college as our American friends like to put it. It was a busy time but it was also a worrying time. I remember commenting to a friend of mine at the time "When I think of what life might be like after I graduate - it just feels like a big black void!" I remember him saying he thought the same. Little did I know that my post college life would take me to Sweden for 8 years but such is the unpredictability of life!

I realize that most people wont be graduating for another five or six months but it pays to think ahead and not just drift along. Life for a lot of graduates is going to change and I believe if you follow the following tips you will be in a better state to handle the transition into a new phase of your life.

1) Take at least a year off!

You have just spent the past few months studying for finals, locked in a library or study room somewhere - Get out and get some air. Take some time to yourself and see the world! You have spent the first part of your life following a set path dictated to you by your peers or your parents. Now it is time to go out and find out who you really are. Spend a year to "catch your breath". You have your whole life to work in a 9 to 5 job! Take a step back from your life to make sure you are on the right path for YOU!

2) Travel the world.

Travel does broaden the mind! I realize it takes money to travel but try and find opportunities where you can earn money in a different country.You could do charity work! What about the peace corps or some such charity organization? Do some foreign aid work but do something that will allow you to see a bit of our world outside of what we are used to. Experience a different culture. Remember where there is a will there is a way - so even if you don' t have much money there are ways to fulfill this goal.

3) Don't let other people tell you what you should now do.

Perhaps your parents have expectations of you to go to medical school or to go work in Acme inc. Perhaps your friends will scoff at your aspirations to travel and say things to you like "Boy house prices go up and up... You should get a well paid job and buy a house... settle down... What do you want to take a year off for... Some sort of new ager are you?" etc..etc... Do what is right for you!

4) Remember - Be tolerant - It will be more difficult to make new friends now.

Your whole life - up until this point- has been spent with people your own age. Lots of people your own age. If you didn't like someone or didn't get on with someone there was plenty more people you could make friends with. You could be choosey with who you would become friends with. Life outside school and college isn't like that. You will be mixing with a whole plethora of people from different backgrounds, ages and beliefs. If you start a new job you might be put on a team with so called "geeks", "nerds", or "jocks"! Develop patience and tolerance of others... You will be a better person for it and happier!

5) Remember - You don't have to have it all figured out.

There is no rule book to say that you are supposed to have everything figured out. The older you get the more you realize that very few people if any have it "all figured out". Trust your feelings more and you will find yourself in a better place. Start with developing positive qualities in yourself and you will start down a path more suited to you! Life is a journey not a destination.


I hope this helps any of you who might be graduating this year. The kindest thing that you can do for yourself is BE THE PERSON YOU WERE MEANT TO BE NOT THE PERSON OTHER PEOPLE THINK YOU SHOULD BE.

Be kind to yourself!
Allen

5 Tips on How to Survive Life When You leave College

I remember when I was in my final year of university or college as our American friends like to put it. It was a busy time but it was also a worrying time. I remember commenting to a friend of mine at the time "When I think of what life might be like after I graduate - it just feels like a big black void!" I remember him saying he thought the same. Little did I know that my post college life would take me to Sweden for 8 years but such is the unpredictability of life!

I realize that most people wont be graduating for another five or six months but it pays to think ahead and not just drift along. Life for a lot of graduates is going to change and I believe if you follow the following tips you will be in a better state to handle the transition into a new phase of your life.

1) Take at least a year off!

You have just spent the past few months studying for finals, locked in a library or study room somewhere - Get out and get some air. Take some time to yourself and see the world! You have spent the first part of your life following a set path dictated to you by your peers or your parents. Now it is time to go out and find out who you really are. Spend a year to "catch your breath". You have your whole life to work in a 9 to 5 job! Take a step back from your life to make sure you are on the right path for YOU!

2) Travel the world.

Travel does broaden the mind! I realize it takes money to travel but try and find opportunities where you can earn money in a different country.You could do charity work! What about the peace corps or some such charity organization? Do some foreign aid work but do something that will allow you to see a bit of our world outside of what we are used to. Experience a different culture. Remember where there is a will there is a way - so even if you don' t have much money there are ways to fulfill this goal.

3) Don't let other people tell you what you should now do.

Perhaps your parents have expectations of you to go to medical school or to go work in Acme inc. Perhaps your friends will scoff at your aspirations to travel and say things to you like "Boy house prices go up and up... You should get a well paid job and buy a house... settle down... What do you want to take a year off for... Some sort of new ager are you?" etc..etc... Do what is right for you!

4) Remember - Be tolerant - It will be more difficult to make new friends now.

Your whole life - up until this point- has been spent with people your own age. Lots of people your own age. If you didn't like someone or didn't get on with someone there was plenty more people you could make friends with. You could be choosey with who you would become friends with. Life outside school and college isn't like that. You will be mixing with a whole plethora of people from different backgrounds, ages and beliefs. If you start a new job you might be put on a team with so called "geeks", "nerds", or "jocks"! Develop patience and tolerance of others... You will be a better person for it and happier!

5) Remember - You don't have to have it all figured out.

There is no rule book to say that you are supposed to have everything figured out. The older you get the more you realize that very few people if any have it "all figured out". Trust your feelings more and you will find yourself in a better place. Start with developing positive qualities in yourself and you will start down a path more suited to you! Life is a journey not a destination.


I hope this helps any of you who might be graduating this year. The kindest thing that you can do for yourself is BE THE PERSON YOU WERE MEANT TO BE NOT THE PERSON OTHER PEOPLE THINK YOU SHOULD BE.

Be kind to yourself!
Allen

A very effective relaxation technique - Alternate Nostril Breathing

About ten years ago I went on a Yoga course at the Scandinavian Yoga and Meditation School and was taught this relaxation technique.

I was a little skeptical at first but its a really effective way to calm frazzled nerves! I find it effective in that you are actually DOING something PHYSICAL rather than just some form of MENTAL relaxation. Meditation etc. can be very hard to do when you are feeling stressed and it is more something to do on a regular basis as a preventative measure against stress. I view Alternate Nostril Breathing as a first aid technique for a person who is ALREADY stressed. So look beyond the yogic mysticism and see a very effective relaxation technique.

This is what Holistic Online has to say about it:

If you don't do anything else, this is a simple yoga breathing exercise that can be done virtually anywhere, anyplace. You will be glad you did.!

With this exercise, we breathe through only one nostril at a time. The logic behind this exercise is that normal breathing does alternate from one nostril to the other at various times during the day.

Benefits

- The exercise produces optimum function to both sides of the brain: that is optimum creativity and optimum logical verbal activity. This also creates a more balanced person, since both halves of the brain are functioning property.

- The yogis consider this to be the best technique to calm the mind and the nervous system.

For details on how o do this exercise please visit HERE.

Good Luck!,
Allen

A very effective relaxation technique - Alternate Nostril Breathing

About ten years ago I went on a Yoga course at the Scandinavian Yoga and Meditation School and was taught this relaxation technique.

I was a little skeptical at first but its a really effective way to calm frazzled nerves! I find it effective in that you are actually DOING something PHYSICAL rather than just some form of MENTAL relaxation. Meditation etc. can be very hard to do when you are feeling stressed and it is more something to do on a regular basis as a preventative measure against stress. I view Alternate Nostril Breathing as a first aid technique for a person who is ALREADY stressed. So look beyond the yogic mysticism and see a very effective relaxation technique.

This is what Holistic Online has to say about it:

If you don't do anything else, this is a simple yoga breathing exercise that can be done virtually anywhere, anyplace. You will be glad you did.!

With this exercise, we breathe through only one nostril at a time. The logic behind this exercise is that normal breathing does alternate from one nostril to the other at various times during the day.

Benefits

- The exercise produces optimum function to both sides of the brain: that is optimum creativity and optimum logical verbal activity. This also creates a more balanced person, since both halves of the brain are functioning property.

- The yogis consider this to be the best technique to calm the mind and the nervous system.

For details on how o do this exercise please visit HERE.

Good Luck!,
Allen

Lifehack: Use a Spreadsheet to See Where Time is Going?

We all wonder where our time is going. In this lifehack for lazy people I suggest keeping a spreadsheet to clearly show how your time is being spent each day.

Here is how:

1) Create a table with days as columns and tasks as rows.

2) Create an extra column just after the list of tasks where you can assign a "weight" to a task. I use a scale of -3 to +3. Where -3 is awarded to a task that is very wasteful of your time e.g. mindless web surfing and +3 gets awarded to an important task that helps you towards your goals. Less important gets 2, less again gets 1 .. all the way down to -3.

3) Split your day column into two further columns one for the hours you worked on the task and a second calculated column that will be the result of :
TIME Worked on task X the weight.

4) Record the hours you spend on a task - and be honest - and let the spreadsheet calculate a score for the day. If you work eight hours per day and do nothing but the most important tasks all day that would be a top score of 24(8 hours times weight 3). Knowing this means you can calculate a daily productivity percentage. So if I scored only 12 points for a day then I was only 50% productive.


You can expand on this as much as you want e.g. using pie charts and trending graphs to clearly show where your time is going?

I have found this a great method of tracking where I spend my time and what I must do to improve my productivity.

Good Luck,
Allen

Lifehack: Use a Spreadsheet to See Where Time is Going?

We all wonder where our time is going. In this lifehack for lazy people I suggest keeping a spreadsheet to clearly show how your time is being spent each day.

Here is how:

1) Create a table with days as columns and tasks as rows.

2) Create an extra column just after the list of tasks where you can assign a "weight" to a task. I use a scale of -3 to +3. Where -3 is awarded to a task that is very wasteful of your time e.g. mindless web surfing and +3 gets awarded to an important task that helps you towards your goals. Less important gets 2, less again gets 1 .. all the way down to -3.

3) Split your day column into two further columns one for the hours you worked on the task and a second calculated column that will be the result of :
TIME Worked on task X the weight.

4) Record the hours you spend on a task - and be honest - and let the spreadsheet calculate a score for the day. If you work eight hours per day and do nothing but the most important tasks all day that would be a top score of 24(8 hours times weight 3). Knowing this means you can calculate a daily productivity percentage. So if I scored only 12 points for a day then I was only 50% productive.


You can expand on this as much as you want e.g. using pie charts and trending graphs to clearly show where your time is going?

I have found this a great method of tracking where I spend my time and what I must do to improve my productivity.

Good Luck,
Allen