Forgiveness vs. Reconciliation

I was doing an online search for potential markets for stories and ran across these self help tests at Spirituality & Health magazine. Check them out. I took the forgiveness test because we've recently discussed this topic here.

It gives you an idea of where you are at in your level of forgiveness. But what may be more important is that it discusses how forgiveness relates to reconciliation. Just because you can forgive someone of past transgressions against you doesn't mean there will be reconciliation with that person. When someone physically harms you, for instance, it may not be in your best interests to reconcile with that person, to continue the relationship. Forgiveness takes only you; reconciliation, on the other hand, takes two.

I thought that was interesting.

All my best,
Jackie

Know When to STOP Helping People

There is only so much you can do for people. You know somebody who is being self destructive. They are hurting themselves and others. You, out of compassion, have tried to help them.

You offered them advice.
You have listened to their suffering.
You have been there for them so many times until your patience has worn down to a stage of where you are very close to breaking.

You have done your best.

They have not changed.

You are tired.

Anything more and you will break.

It is time to stop.

When you reach the point as described above - you will still be helping them by stopping the direct help that you have given them. There is only so much you can do for people - at the end of the day they have to want change.

You wont be of any help to anyone if you burn out. So bear in mind that there might come a time - as a friend, brother, parent or spouse - when you will need to back away and hope that you have made a difference.

In the end people need to help themselves to change.


Allen

Know When to STOP Helping People

There is only so much you can do for people. You know somebody who is being self destructive. They are hurting themselves and others. You, out of compassion, have tried to help them.

You offered them advice.
You have listened to their suffering.
You have been there for them so many times until your patience has worn down to a stage of where you are very close to breaking.

You have done your best.

They have not changed.

You are tired.

Anything more and you will break.

It is time to stop.

When you reach the point as described above - you will still be helping them by stopping the direct help that you have given them. There is only so much you can do for people - at the end of the day they have to want change.

You wont be of any help to anyone if you burn out. So bear in mind that there might come a time - as a friend, brother, parent or spouse - when you will need to back away and hope that you have made a difference.

In the end people need to help themselves to change.


Allen

Don't throw the Baby Out with the Bathwater when it comes to having a Spiritual life...

Photo By N. Ireland Wallpapers / Desktop Backgrounds
Don't throw the Baby Out with the Bathwater when it comes to having a Spiritual life...

Consider this song:

Artist: George Harrison
Album: Concert For Bangla Desh/all Things Must Pass
Title: Awaiting On You All


You don't need no love in
You don't need no bed pan
You don't need a horoscope or a microscope
The see the mess that you're in
If you open up your heart
You will know what I mean
We've been polluted so long
Now here's a way for you to get clean

By chanting the names of the lord and you'll be free
The lord is awaiting on you all to awaken and see
Chanting the names of the lord and you'll be free
The lord is awaiting on you all to awaken and see

You don't need no passport
And you don't need no visas
You don't need to designate or to emigrate
Before you can see Jesus
If you open up your heart
You'll see he's right there
Always was and will be
He'll relieve you of your cares

By chanting the names of the lord and you'll be free
The lord is awaiting on you all to awaken and see
Chanting the names of the lord and you'll be free
The lord is awaiting on you all to awaken and see

You don't need no church house
And you don't need no temple
You don't need no rosary beads or them books to read
To see that you have fallen
If you open up your heart
You will know what I mean
We've been kept down so long
Someone's thinking that we're all green

And while the pope owns 51% of general motors
And the stock exchange is the only thing he's qualified to quote us
The lord is awaiting on you all to awaken and see
By chanting the names of the lord and you'll be free



I believe a lot of people have lost their way today. They have their energies invested in meaningless activities and try and numb the pain of this with drink, drugs, consumerism and following the lives of so called celebs.

>You don't need to designate or to emigrate
> Before you can see Jesus

Interesting how he mentions Jesus in this song although he was a devout Hindu… I think that if people followed the teaching of Jesus and not the dogmas set by the man made church institutions then people might be happier. I am not saying happiness cannot be found in other religions but I use this example as it the religious framework I am familiar with.

People have thrown the baby out with the bathwater in my humble opinion. They have turned their backs on "the church" but they have also turned their backs on a spiritual life. It also seems to me the people with the loudest voices are the fundamentalists

If one takes a belief in God as a given then we are all children of God. We are all the same.

I grew up in a Christian family so I am using Christianity as the example I am most familiar with. I believe the worlds major religions are like different paths on a road that lead to the same destination.

So let us look at Christianity...

Jesus' wisdom teaching points to the world of conventional wisdom as a world of blindness. His aphorisms and parables invite us to see differently.

The theologian Marcus Borg tries to show us this e.g.

C:Conventional wisdom
J:Jesus' alternative wisdom

C:God is punitive lawgiver and judge
J:God is gracious

C:A person's worth is determined by measuring up to social standards
J:All persons have infinite worth as a children of God

C:Sinners and outcasts are to be avoided and rejected
J:Everyone is welcome around the table and in the kingdom of God

C:Identity comes from social tradition
J:Identity comes from centring in the sacred, from relationship with God

C:Strive to be first
J:The first shall be last...; those who exalt themselves will be emptied...

C:Preserve one's own life above all
J:The path of dying to self and being reborn leads to life abundant

C:Fruit of striving is reward
J:Fruit of centring in God is compassion


The pre-crucified Jesus was a social profit, healer and He tried to teach an alternative wisdom. He got on the wrong side of the authorities of the day and was crucified for it but his spirit lived on. You can look on this as the metaphysical spirit or the spirit of His teachings. The post Easter Jesus is something different.

Christian experience is born in the Easter experience.

Easter does not have to include something happening to Jesus' body.

The foundational meaning of Easter is that Jesus' followers experienced his continuing presence as a living reality.

An empty tomb is one way to talk about that experience.

The community speaks of Jesus as:

Light of the world

Bread of life

Messiah

The way, the truth, the life

The only way

These are images/metaphors people used to describe their experience of Jesus.

They are profoundly true though not literally true.

Jesus did not speak of himself in these ways.

They are vivid testimony about how the community experienced and thought about Jesus.

The post-Easter Jesus can also be the word, light, and bread, of God for us.

For more see http://www.united.edu/portrait/index.shtml

Anyway my long rambling point is this. George Harrison's music seems to show that the quiet Beatle had a healthy attitude to spirituality and he recognised the subversive message in following a spiritual life. A spiritual life can reward you with a life of meaning although its not really about what you can "get" for yourself in my humble opinion. I grew up in Northern Ireland and this could put you of religion for life! I constantly remind myself that if there is a God or higher power then He/She is much larger than our limited minds can comprehend and that the religion is a human reaction to this mystery.

So try not throw the baby out with the bathwater. If you have given up on religion don't give up on having a spiritual life.



Good Luck!

Allen

Don't throw the Baby Out with the Bathwater when it comes to having a Spiritual life...

Photo By N. Ireland Wallpapers / Desktop Backgrounds
Don't throw the Baby Out with the Bathwater when it comes to having a Spiritual life...

Consider this song:

Artist: George Harrison
Album: Concert For Bangla Desh/all Things Must Pass
Title: Awaiting On You All


You don't need no love in
You don't need no bed pan
You don't need a horoscope or a microscope
The see the mess that you're in
If you open up your heart
You will know what I mean
We've been polluted so long
Now here's a way for you to get clean

By chanting the names of the lord and you'll be free
The lord is awaiting on you all to awaken and see
Chanting the names of the lord and you'll be free
The lord is awaiting on you all to awaken and see

You don't need no passport
And you don't need no visas
You don't need to designate or to emigrate
Before you can see Jesus
If you open up your heart
You'll see he's right there
Always was and will be
He'll relieve you of your cares

By chanting the names of the lord and you'll be free
The lord is awaiting on you all to awaken and see
Chanting the names of the lord and you'll be free
The lord is awaiting on you all to awaken and see

You don't need no church house
And you don't need no temple
You don't need no rosary beads or them books to read
To see that you have fallen
If you open up your heart
You will know what I mean
We've been kept down so long
Someone's thinking that we're all green

And while the pope owns 51% of general motors
And the stock exchange is the only thing he's qualified to quote us
The lord is awaiting on you all to awaken and see
By chanting the names of the lord and you'll be free



I believe a lot of people have lost their way today. They have their energies invested in meaningless activities and try and numb the pain of this with drink, drugs, consumerism and following the lives of so called celebs.

>You don't need to designate or to emigrate
> Before you can see Jesus

Interesting how he mentions Jesus in this song although he was a devout Hindu… I think that if people followed the teaching of Jesus and not the dogmas set by the man made church institutions then people might be happier. I am not saying happiness cannot be found in other religions but I use this example as it the religious framework I am familiar with.

People have thrown the baby out with the bathwater in my humble opinion. They have turned their backs on "the church" but they have also turned their backs on a spiritual life. It also seems to me the people with the loudest voices are the fundamentalists

If one takes a belief in God as a given then we are all children of God. We are all the same.

I grew up in a Christian family so I am using Christianity as the example I am most familiar with. I believe the worlds major religions are like different paths on a road that lead to the same destination.

So let us look at Christianity...

Jesus' wisdom teaching points to the world of conventional wisdom as a world of blindness. His aphorisms and parables invite us to see differently.

The theologian Marcus Borg tries to show us this e.g.

C:Conventional wisdom
J:Jesus' alternative wisdom

C:God is punitive lawgiver and judge
J:God is gracious

C:A person's worth is determined by measuring up to social standards
J:All persons have infinite worth as a children of God

C:Sinners and outcasts are to be avoided and rejected
J:Everyone is welcome around the table and in the kingdom of God

C:Identity comes from social tradition
J:Identity comes from centring in the sacred, from relationship with God

C:Strive to be first
J:The first shall be last...; those who exalt themselves will be emptied...

C:Preserve one's own life above all
J:The path of dying to self and being reborn leads to life abundant

C:Fruit of striving is reward
J:Fruit of centring in God is compassion


The pre-crucified Jesus was a social profit, healer and He tried to teach an alternative wisdom. He got on the wrong side of the authorities of the day and was crucified for it but his spirit lived on. You can look on this as the metaphysical spirit or the spirit of His teachings. The post Easter Jesus is something different.

Christian experience is born in the Easter experience.

Easter does not have to include something happening to Jesus' body.

The foundational meaning of Easter is that Jesus' followers experienced his continuing presence as a living reality.

An empty tomb is one way to talk about that experience.

The community speaks of Jesus as:

Light of the world

Bread of life

Messiah

The way, the truth, the life

The only way

These are images/metaphors people used to describe their experience of Jesus.

They are profoundly true though not literally true.

Jesus did not speak of himself in these ways.

They are vivid testimony about how the community experienced and thought about Jesus.

The post-Easter Jesus can also be the word, light, and bread, of God for us.

For more see http://www.united.edu/portrait/index.shtml

Anyway my long rambling point is this. George Harrison's music seems to show that the quiet Beatle had a healthy attitude to spirituality and he recognised the subversive message in following a spiritual life. A spiritual life can reward you with a life of meaning although its not really about what you can "get" for yourself in my humble opinion. I grew up in Northern Ireland and this could put you of religion for life! I constantly remind myself that if there is a God or higher power then He/She is much larger than our limited minds can comprehend and that the religion is a human reaction to this mystery.

So try not throw the baby out with the bathwater. If you have given up on religion don't give up on having a spiritual life.



Good Luck!

Allen

5 Concepts from Self Help Books that Worked for Me

Hi there,

The whole point of my blog was to show - anyone that was interested - that not all self help was constructive and not all self help was useless new age waffle.
I was thinking to myself the other day about what aspects of the self help books I have read lately that have found of beneficial to myself.

Here are the concepts I have found that have helped me and where I found them.

1) Life is difficult.

The very first words from the grandfather of self help "The Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck. Life is indeed difficult and don't let anyone fool you into thinking otherwise. Suffering is unavoidable in life - it goes hand in hand with living. I learnt this from a very early age when my mother died from cancer. I have also learnt that a lot of suffering can make you stronger in the long run. Suffering can also allow you to empathize with the suffering of others and thus develop compassion for other people. You cannot avoid suffering.

2) Train your mind by avoiding cognitive distortions.

Recognize the kinds of irrational thinking that you, like everyone else, tend to engage in from time to time. Reducing your irrational thinking will often help you to become a happier person. This does not mean you should delude yourself into thinking everything is great when it clearly is not. No. What I mean is that there are some bad thinking habits that should be noted and changed. These habits include irrational beliefs or misinterpretations of external events. An example of an irrational belief would be that you feel you must be perfect in everything you do otherwise you are worthless. An example of misinterpretation would be overgeneralization i.e. that guy cut me off - drivers today are terrible!

For more examples see the brilliant summary in the book "Mind Performance Hacks" by Ron Hale-Evans (Hack #58) or the book "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" by Dr.David Burns.

3) 6 traits that you can develop that will transform your life and the world.

These traits are taught through out the major world religions and for good reason. It is not a secret! These traits are - compassion, patience, tolerance, forgiveness,selflessness and love. If we must be selfish let us develop those traits in ourselves and happiness will follow. I have been trying to do this for some time and it does transform how you think and feel about the world around you. I have to say that I feel happier and less stressed and people around me feel I am easier to live with too! :-)

Read "The Art of Happiness" by the Howard Cutler and the Dalai Lama for more on this.

4) Relax.

If you practice some form of daily relaxation it will act as the foundation to dealing with your everyday stresses. Try mediation (its easier than you think), progressive muscle relaxation or yoga. If you do this regularly it will change the whole way your mind and body react together when it comes to stress. I have to admit I do find it difficult to find time to do this. I am not a morning person (e.g. A lot of meditators get up at 4 or 5am to meditate) but I try and fit in daily relaxation exercises and treat it like brushing my teeth. It is something I need to do to stay healthy.

Read "The Calm Technique" by Paul Wilson.

5) You don't need to run a marathon and eat carrots everyday to be fit and healthy.
I try and do some yoga every other day and go for brisk walks. A brisk walk is where I am walking at such a pace that I break into a bit of sweat for about 30 minutes. So with those two forms of exercise I am getting aerobic, strength and flexibility exercises without having to go near a gym. If you enjoy sport it is half the battle as you have fun when you exercise. Try and find somewhere nice to go for your walks or you could go swimming at your local pool and treat yourself to a sauna afterwards.

See "The Integrated Health Bible" by Dr. Mosaraf Ali


I hope you find this post useful and you explore the concepts I have mentioned. I have found them to be very useful and you don't have to do anything special or spend a lot of money to learn them.

Good Luck!
Allen

5 Concepts from Self Help Books that Worked for Me

Hi there,

The whole point of my blog was to show - anyone that was interested - that not all self help was constructive and not all self help was useless new age waffle.
I was thinking to myself the other day about what aspects of the self help books I have read lately that have found of beneficial to myself.

Here are the concepts I have found that have helped me and where I found them.

1) Life is difficult.

The very first words from the grandfather of self help "The Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck. Life is indeed difficult and don't let anyone fool you into thinking otherwise. Suffering is unavoidable in life - it goes hand in hand with living. I learnt this from a very early age when my mother died from cancer. I have also learnt that a lot of suffering can make you stronger in the long run. Suffering can also allow you to empathize with the suffering of others and thus develop compassion for other people. You cannot avoid suffering.

2) Train your mind by avoiding cognitive distortions.

Recognize the kinds of irrational thinking that you, like everyone else, tend to engage in from time to time. Reducing your irrational thinking will often help you to become a happier person. This does not mean you should delude yourself into thinking everything is great when it clearly is not. No. What I mean is that there are some bad thinking habits that should be noted and changed. These habits include irrational beliefs or misinterpretations of external events. An example of an irrational belief would be that you feel you must be perfect in everything you do otherwise you are worthless. An example of misinterpretation would be overgeneralization i.e. that guy cut me off - drivers today are terrible!

For more examples see the brilliant summary in the book "Mind Performance Hacks" by Ron Hale-Evans (Hack #58) or the book "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" by Dr.David Burns.

3) 6 traits that you can develop that will transform your life and the world.

These traits are taught through out the major world religions and for good reason. It is not a secret! These traits are - compassion, patience, tolerance, forgiveness,selflessness and love. If we must be selfish let us develop those traits in ourselves and happiness will follow. I have been trying to do this for some time and it does transform how you think and feel about the world around you. I have to say that I feel happier and less stressed and people around me feel I am easier to live with too! :-)

Read "The Art of Happiness" by the Howard Cutler and the Dalai Lama for more on this.

4) Relax.

If you practice some form of daily relaxation it will act as the foundation to dealing with your everyday stresses. Try mediation (its easier than you think), progressive muscle relaxation or yoga. If you do this regularly it will change the whole way your mind and body react together when it comes to stress. I have to admit I do find it difficult to find time to do this. I am not a morning person (e.g. A lot of meditators get up at 4 or 5am to meditate) but I try and fit in daily relaxation exercises and treat it like brushing my teeth. It is something I need to do to stay healthy.

Read "The Calm Technique" by Paul Wilson.

5) You don't need to run a marathon and eat carrots everyday to be fit and healthy.
I try and do some yoga every other day and go for brisk walks. A brisk walk is where I am walking at such a pace that I break into a bit of sweat for about 30 minutes. So with those two forms of exercise I am getting aerobic, strength and flexibility exercises without having to go near a gym. If you enjoy sport it is half the battle as you have fun when you exercise. Try and find somewhere nice to go for your walks or you could go swimming at your local pool and treat yourself to a sauna afterwards.

See "The Integrated Health Bible" by Dr. Mosaraf Ali


I hope you find this post useful and you explore the concepts I have mentioned. I have found them to be very useful and you don't have to do anything special or spend a lot of money to learn them.

Good Luck!
Allen

How to Reach Your Goals - Start with yourself first.

Continuing my theme of self help for lazy people. This short tip will actually take a few seconds to understand but a life time to master! I may be targeting lazy people with my tips but there are no short cuts when it comes to improving yourself.

When you want to reach your goal - say have a more meaningful career - the best thing is not to go start trying to look for that career straight away. No, the first thing to do is to start with yourself. Improve where you are as a person today and you will be in a better place to take on more challenging rolls in the future.

Develop the following elements in your life first:

1) Compassion
2) Forgiveness
3) Patience and Tolerance
4) A balanced life
5) Your social life
7) A sense of yourself - your talents AND your limitations.
8) Physical and Mental Health.
9) A Spiritual Life to remind you that there is more to life than - our producer/consumer society.
10) Giving to others.

If you develop those things then you will be starting towards your goals from a good place and you might actually be reaching for goals that will give you true happiness.

Food for thought..

Allen

How to Reach Your Goals - Start with yourself first.

Continuing my theme of self help for lazy people. This short tip will actually take a few seconds to understand but a life time to master! I may be targeting lazy people with my tips but there are no short cuts when it comes to improving yourself.

When you want to reach your goal - say have a more meaningful career - the best thing is not to go start trying to look for that career straight away. No, the first thing to do is to start with yourself. Improve where you are as a person today and you will be in a better place to take on more challenging rolls in the future.

Develop the following elements in your life first:

1) Compassion
2) Forgiveness
3) Patience and Tolerance
4) A balanced life
5) Your social life
7) A sense of yourself - your talents AND your limitations.
8) Physical and Mental Health.
9) A Spiritual Life to remind you that there is more to life than - our producer/consumer society.
10) Giving to others.

If you develop those things then you will be starting towards your goals from a good place and you might actually be reaching for goals that will give you true happiness.

Food for thought..

Allen

How to Keep Things in Perspective - Imagine You are on The Titanic

This powerful technique has really helped me to keep things in perspective and remember what is really important in life.

This technique reminds us that we are all going to die some time and that on life's journey - we are not alone.

It goes like this. Imagine you are one of many passengers on the Titanic. The difference this time is that you know the ship is going to sink but you can't do anything about it. Nobody knows when it will happen - it could be tomorrow, it could be in 100 years. The journey WILL end. That is all you know. You are not alone though - your fellow passengers have that same knowledge. How do you see your fellow passengers now? How do they react to you? You talk among yourselves about the situation your in, you empathize with each other, your support each other and you try to make the best of the time you have left.

The more I get into the imagery of this the more compassionate I feel myself being towards others. I look around my open plan office and I realize we are all passengers on this ship called life. We are all heading to the same end - no exceptions. Shouldn't we all make the best of the time we have.

Good Luck,
Allen

How to Keep Things in Perspective - Imagine You are on The Titanic

This powerful technique has really helped me to keep things in perspective and remember what is really important in life.

This technique reminds us that we are all going to die some time and that on life's journey - we are not alone.

It goes like this. Imagine you are one of many passengers on the Titanic. The difference this time is that you know the ship is going to sink but you can't do anything about it. Nobody knows when it will happen - it could be tomorrow, it could be in 100 years. The journey WILL end. That is all you know. You are not alone though - your fellow passengers have that same knowledge. How do you see your fellow passengers now? How do they react to you? You talk among yourselves about the situation your in, you empathize with each other, your support each other and you try to make the best of the time you have left.

The more I get into the imagery of this the more compassionate I feel myself being towards others. I look around my open plan office and I realize we are all passengers on this ship called life. We are all heading to the same end - no exceptions. Shouldn't we all make the best of the time we have.

Good Luck,
Allen

Be a Rebel With a Cause

Photo By N. Ireland Wallpapers / Desktop Backgrounds

Our culture has such an impact on our lives. I have said this before but I want to say it again. We are bombarded by messages from our schools, media outlets and other organizations about how we should lead our lives and what it means to be successful. The culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves and we should stand up say it doesn't work. We should be rebels (but unlike James Dean in that famous movie) we should be rebels WITH a cause and that cause is to work to create our own culture based around compassion.

Here are some suggestions how.

1) Re-define success.
What does it mean to be successful? Does it mean having a large house and an expensive sports car? Does it mean being on a board of directors of a company? Those things don't necessarily mean success. It has become a cliché but material wealth should not be equated with success. Neither should physical beauty or what our culture labels as being physically beautiful. To me, success is HOW we live our lives not WHAT we own or WHAT we look like. Do we show compassion and forgiveness to others? Do we live a full and balanced life? Are we the person we were made to be rather than the person we think we should be? Do we center our lives on helping others (as well as looking after are own needs)? Have we devoted our lives to creating something that gives us purpose and meaning? If you answer yes to any or all of these questions - in my book - you are a successful person.

2) Know that you will die.
Our culture is obsessed with immortality. A lot of people walk around like they are going to live forever. They then concentrate on a lot of things that are just not important but our culture tries to make us think that they our important. Know that sometime you will die and you might start living your life differently.

3) Look to the future and let go of the past.
Life is a journey and we should always look to the future, accept the past and then let go of it. People that always look back do so because they have never found meaning in their lives because if you have found meaning you will always move forward and you never want to go back.

4) Think for yourself.
I have written about this before and if you follow this advice it could mean you will ignore every tip I have written on this blog! :-) Take some time for reflection and make sure you are not overly influenced by others. Choose your role models wisely and remember not to look up to the people at top as they will always be looking down at you.

5) Create your own culture.
Every society has its own problems, The way to do it, I think, isn't to run away. You have to work at creating your own culture. Surround yourself with people you love and who love you back. Create and live your own life - not the life society thinks you should lead.


There are many ways to add meaning to your life. Staying independent of popular culture and centering your life on compassion, forgiveness and your relationships with your friends and family will add a fullness to your life that no amount of money can buy.

Good Luck,
Allen

Be a Rebel With a Cause

Photo By N. Ireland Wallpapers / Desktop Backgrounds

Our culture has such an impact on our lives. I have said this before but I want to say it again. We are bombarded by messages from our schools, media outlets and other organizations about how we should lead our lives and what it means to be successful. The culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves and we should stand up say it doesn't work. We should be rebels (but unlike James Dean in that famous movie) we should be rebels WITH a cause and that cause is to work to create our own culture based around compassion.

Here are some suggestions how.

1) Re-define success.
What does it mean to be successful? Does it mean having a large house and an expensive sports car? Does it mean being on a board of directors of a company? Those things don't necessarily mean success. It has become a cliché but material wealth should not be equated with success. Neither should physical beauty or what our culture labels as being physically beautiful. To me, success is HOW we live our lives not WHAT we own or WHAT we look like. Do we show compassion and forgiveness to others? Do we live a full and balanced life? Are we the person we were made to be rather than the person we think we should be? Do we center our lives on helping others (as well as looking after are own needs)? Have we devoted our lives to creating something that gives us purpose and meaning? If you answer yes to any or all of these questions - in my book - you are a successful person.

2) Know that you will die.
Our culture is obsessed with immortality. A lot of people walk around like they are going to live forever. They then concentrate on a lot of things that are just not important but our culture tries to make us think that they our important. Know that sometime you will die and you might start living your life differently.

3) Look to the future and let go of the past.
Life is a journey and we should always look to the future, accept the past and then let go of it. People that always look back do so because they have never found meaning in their lives because if you have found meaning you will always move forward and you never want to go back.

4) Think for yourself.
I have written about this before and if you follow this advice it could mean you will ignore every tip I have written on this blog! :-) Take some time for reflection and make sure you are not overly influenced by others. Choose your role models wisely and remember not to look up to the people at top as they will always be looking down at you.

5) Create your own culture.
Every society has its own problems, The way to do it, I think, isn't to run away. You have to work at creating your own culture. Surround yourself with people you love and who love you back. Create and live your own life - not the life society thinks you should lead.


There are many ways to add meaning to your life. Staying independent of popular culture and centering your life on compassion, forgiveness and your relationships with your friends and family will add a fullness to your life that no amount of money can buy.

Good Luck,
Allen

Be The Change You Want To See in The World

Photo By N. Ireland Wallpapers / Desktop Backgrounds

"Be the change you want to see in the world" - Mohandas Gandhi.

I used to curse the world for being the way it is. Why can't people be more polite? Why is there so much talk of war and not so much talk about peace? Why can't the world be a better place?

That sort of thinking got me - nowhere! I would start to feel down, angry and disheartened. Not a great place to be. I still feel those things at times but now I feel I can at least do something about it. It may be a small thing but from small seeds large trees can grow. That is my hope anyway. What changed then?

Well I read the quote (above) from Mohandas Ghandi. "Be the change you want to see in the world!".

If you want the world to be more kind and compassionate then be more kind and compassionate.

If you want the world to talk more about peace and less about war then talk more about peace.

If you want people to be more forgiving then be more forgiving.

If you want people to be more friendly and caring at work then be more friendly and caring at work.

I have an example to illustrate the power of this technique. I usually commute to work by bus. The traffic can be crazy and the bus driver has to put up with a lot of stress while he ferries us to our jobs. I try and make it habbit of thanking the bus driver as I leave the bus. People don't always do this but an interesting thing happens. Sometimes those ahead of me in the line leaving the bus don't say anything as they exit until it comes to my turn. I turn to the bus driver and say "Thank you." and you know what happens? Everyone behind me in the line then says thank you to the bus driver as they leave the bus. Ive seen this happen so many times.

This is a small thing but I am sure the bus driver feels better and everyone who thanked him feels better too. These small actions can have a knock on effect where people will continue to be more open and friendly to others. That is what I hope anyway!

So no matter how small an impact you may think you have "being the change you want to see in the world" can indeed make the world a better place.

Give it a go!

Allen

Be The Change You Want To See in The World

Photo By N. Ireland Wallpapers / Desktop Backgrounds

"Be the change you want to see in the world" - Mohandas Gandhi.

I used to curse the world for being the way it is. Why can't people be more polite? Why is there so much talk of war and not so much talk about peace? Why can't the world be a better place?

That sort of thinking got me - nowhere! I would start to feel down, angry and disheartened. Not a great place to be. I still feel those things at times but now I feel I can at least do something about it. It may be a small thing but from small seeds large trees can grow. That is my hope anyway. What changed then?

Well I read the quote (above) from Mohandas Ghandi. "Be the change you want to see in the world!".

If you want the world to be more kind and compassionate then be more kind and compassionate.

If you want the world to talk more about peace and less about war then talk more about peace.

If you want people to be more forgiving then be more forgiving.

If you want people to be more friendly and caring at work then be more friendly and caring at work.

I have an example to illustrate the power of this technique. I usually commute to work by bus. The traffic can be crazy and the bus driver has to put up with a lot of stress while he ferries us to our jobs. I try and make it habbit of thanking the bus driver as I leave the bus. People don't always do this but an interesting thing happens. Sometimes those ahead of me in the line leaving the bus don't say anything as they exit until it comes to my turn. I turn to the bus driver and say "Thank you." and you know what happens? Everyone behind me in the line then says thank you to the bus driver as they leave the bus. Ive seen this happen so many times.

This is a small thing but I am sure the bus driver feels better and everyone who thanked him feels better too. These small actions can have a knock on effect where people will continue to be more open and friendly to others. That is what I hope anyway!

So no matter how small an impact you may think you have "being the change you want to see in the world" can indeed make the world a better place.

Give it a go!

Allen

4 Steps to Less Stress and Conflict in Everyday Life.

Photo By N. Ireland Wallpapers / Desktop Backgrounds

My wife and I were in the car this morning when we happened upon a parked truck. We started to overtake the truck when we met a speeding car traveling toward us in the opposite lane. This was a small by-road so my wife aborted the overtaking and as the car passed, the lady glared at us and clearly swore at us probably for causing her journey time to increase by two seconds. I started to react badly to the situation but I caught myself and shrugged the situation off and even felt sorry for the woman. What sort of life must she have that causes her to be so wound up over something so small.
It got me to thinking. The thing we do have control over in a situation is how we choose to react to it. This is something nobody can take from us. How does one improve our reaction to difficult situations? Well here are some tips.

1) Develop compassion for others.
The lady in the other car must have a troubled life. I'm not excusing her behavior but she certainly must be troubled to react so. Developing compassion will help you let go of he immediate anger of a situation.

2) Learn to forgive others.
Forgiving the person who wronged you well help you move on from the situation. Why let someone else's irrational behavior spoil your day? Goodness knows what is going on in their lives! Forgive and move on.

3) With compassion and forgiveness comes patience and tolerance.
One will flow from the other. Patience and tolerance is the foundation of living a calm life.

4) Take a moment to reflect.
Take a moment to reflect on the situation and see if there was a better way to handle or react to the difficulty.


I am convinced that if you follow the tips above. Your days will become calmer and you will feel a little happier.

Good Luck,
Allen

4 Steps to Less Stress and Conflict in Everyday Life.

Photo By N. Ireland Wallpapers / Desktop Backgrounds

My wife and I were in the car this morning when we happened upon a parked truck. We started to overtake the truck when we met a speeding car traveling toward us in the opposite lane. This was a small by-road so my wife aborted the overtaking and as the car passed, the lady glared at us and clearly swore at us probably for causing her journey time to increase by two seconds. I started to react badly to the situation but I caught myself and shrugged the situation off and even felt sorry for the woman. What sort of life must she have that causes her to be so wound up over something so small.
It got me to thinking. The thing we do have control over in a situation is how we choose to react to it. This is something nobody can take from us. How does one improve our reaction to difficult situations? Well here are some tips.

1) Develop compassion for others.
The lady in the other car must have a troubled life. I'm not excusing her behavior but she certainly must be troubled to react so. Developing compassion will help you let go of he immediate anger of a situation.

2) Learn to forgive others.
Forgiving the person who wronged you well help you move on from the situation. Why let someone else's irrational behavior spoil your day? Goodness knows what is going on in their lives! Forgive and move on.

3) With compassion and forgiveness comes patience and tolerance.
One will flow from the other. Patience and tolerance is the foundation of living a calm life.

4) Take a moment to reflect.
Take a moment to reflect on the situation and see if there was a better way to handle or react to the difficulty.


I am convinced that if you follow the tips above. Your days will become calmer and you will feel a little happier.

Good Luck,
Allen