Favorite books for personal growth

This list represents books I've read once or twice, sometimes more. They helped me tremendously during my early mental--and physical--rides. They still do. And it's a lengthy list. Of course, it took me several years to read them and do the work that some require. But these are my favorites. I've read many, many more. But these, for me, touch on the important points of emotional, physical, spiritual, and even sexual growth. We're aiming for balance in all four areas of life.

Pick and choose what works for you. Create your own list. Add to this one. Substract from it. Let your Killer instincts--your most honest and tuned-in gut reaction--lead the way. But if you don't know where to start, here are several good bets:

A Gentle Path through the Twelve Steps (for all people in the process of recovery) by Patrick Carnes, Ph.D.

A Year by the Sea by Joan Anderson

Believe in the God Who Believes in You by Robert H. Schuller

Boundaries and Relationships by Charles L. Whitfield, M.D.

Callings: Finding and Following an Authentic Life by Gregg Levoy

Choices by Shad Helmstetter

Codependent No More by Melody Beattie

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and it's all small stuff by Richard Carlson, Ph.D.

Feel the Fear And Do it Anyway by Susan Jeffers, Ph.D.

Life Application Study Bible: New Living Translation

Man's Search for Meaning by Victor E. Frankl

The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

The Power of Focus for Women by Fran Hewitt & Les Hewitt

The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren

The War of Art by Steven Pressfield

Meditate on it

Even if you're not a bike rider--avid or otherwise--you can still use the BIKE acrynym to find your own spiritual navigation system.

Remember, we're looking for our:

Best self
Inner strength
Killer instinct
Expressive voice

These are the four ingredients of your spiritual core self--the part of you that knows yourself well enough to be able to handle even the most difficult of circumstances. If you don't know what it means to be your Best self, if you don't know you have enough Inner strength (or how to access it), if you don't trust your Killer instincts, and if you're not comfortable using your Expressive voice, you'll stay stuck in the past. You won't be able to move forward--not from heartbreak, not from anger, not from anything that holds you back. The reason is because you haven't taken the time to get to know what you're really made of on the inside.

We really don't learn this stuff in school, and a lot of times, not at home either.

And don't be confused about the word "spiritual."

BIKE isn't a religion. It's more like AA's 12-step program. And just like the 12 steps, BIKE requires taking personal inventory of yourself. I sometimes refer to the process as my 12-step program reduced to four. That makes it seem easier, but you still have to look deep inside yourself, reveal your flaws, and then figure out how to either accept them or change them to suit your needs.

What BIKE can do for you, once you've discovered your own path to a better you, is keep you from getting lost, help you find your way, and steer back to the best course possible. Notice I didn't say the "right" course. My therapist used to remind me all the time, "We're not judging. There is no right or wrong. There just "is"." So with BIKE, you don't judge your behavior, you just work on improving it. You look back only when it's necessary to move forward.

When your spiritual navigation system is set and ready to go, it means you understand you're following a path that is meant for you, and you alone, and that you won't always have control of where it leads (or sometimes you hand over that control to others by mistake). You know you need to "let go" of that and focus, instead, on that which you can control--namely, how you respond to the events that occur in your life.

Once your mental BIKE is in place, you will know how to respond. It's like working with teenagers, you pick your battles. Not all of them are worth having. This is true of life, in general.

I've given you this assignment before, in some version, but here it is again for the newcomers:

In a journal that you keep just for this, make a checklist of your traits. Write down the traits that you admire about yourself. Write down the traits you wish you didn't have. Include descriptive entries that explain your conclusions. Give examples of times you've used these traits when addressing challenges in your life. Especially consider the times when you knew you were stuck. Then look for patterns of behavior. Is there a pattern or habit that needs revision?

Because this process involves taking time for yourself, you don't have to write down anything right now. Hopefully, you'll be spending a lot of time with yourself as we learn how BIKE can work for you. But if you're not comfortable with the writing part for now--and some people aren't--then think about this while taking a bath, pruning bushes, or riding your bike. Meditate on it. You can write your thoughts down later. There is something about putting thoughts to paper that helps lead to solutions. So make sure, if you don't journal today, at least by a notebook.

I bet you'll soon want to write this all down. As you see your own growth occur, you'll want to do everything possible to see more. But be patient. You're on the road to recovery. Recovery from what, I don't know. That's what you'll discover on the way.

All my best,
Jackie

More about books...

The list of 12 books I mentioned in yesterday's post was just a small number of books I've read. I have an entire library full of books I read and continue to read during my recovery. For as long as I can remember, I've been drawn to self-help, self-improvement, and memoirs, for example. One of my first was the Rev. Robert H. Schuller's Tough Times Never Last But Tough People Do. The title says it all. There's a lot to learn from other people's challenges. Not to overwhelm my students, however, I kept their list down to 12. It's a start for them. If you'd like to know what my full list is, post a comment. I'd love to hear from you.

Thanks,
Jackie AKA The BIKE Lady

A BIKE and a book...or two

I wanted to report that my class at Homeward Bound is going well. I had compiled a list of about 12 books that I read in my early days of recovery from my divorce, well, even before that, and distributed it in class. I was thrilled to hear that this non-profit is trusting in my work so much that it has ordered all 12 for the on-site library. I'm thrilled because the ladies will have these resources so easily accessible. They won't have to buy them themselves, and they probably couldn't afford them anyway.

I've mentioned a few of those books here already, and will continue to mention them. In your own recovery, from whatever past trauma or turmoil or just the everyday challenges you're dealing with today, you'll decide what you need. You'll create your own list, I'm sure. But be open to the books and authors I mention here. They've helped me; they could very well do the same for you.

My point is that books are merely a starting point. To live a life of joy takes a lifetime. Every day, you must decide to seek it. A book with new ideas is just the starting point. You have to take action to make things happen. That's where those BIKE rides come in. They help move you forward. You consciously become aware of where you are and where you're going, and you move accordingly. It's no secret. It's not magical. It's really a natural progression, but it's very individual. And only you really know the path you need to take.

Maybe this weekend, you can visit the library or bookstore nearest you and find a book that offers lessons you could benefit from learning right now. Your progress can start there, with a book. It doesn't have to be self-help. It can be a travel book of essays. It can be a travel guide. It can be a book of fascinating facts or quotable quotations. It can be anything that speaks to you at this moment, anything that provides you with a message that you need to hear. You'll know if you need to hear it, because it will draw you in, most likely without you even recognizing it.

However, you want to get to the point where you do recognize, because then you'll be open to the greatest amount of learning. Julia Cameron mentions this in her book The Artist's Way. She calls it part of the spiritual path to higher creativity. I used her book over and over again as part of my spiritual path to a better life. You can, too. That's on the list.

Happy reading!
Jackie