More Pearls of Wisdom (Friday Fun) - According to Viz

DON'T waste money on expensive iPods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it.
If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you like and hum that instead.


CINEMA goers. Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by having a p*ss before the film starts.


RAPPERS. Avoid having to say 'know what I'm sayin' all the time by actually speaking clearly in the first place.

DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your identity stolen.
Simply place a dog poo in the bin bags along with your old bank statements.


WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red wine?
Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to remove the stains.


MURDERERS Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it to yourself via DHL.
You will never see it again.


BURGLARS. When fleeing from the police, run with your right arm sticking out at 90 degrees, wrapped in a baby mattress in case they set one of their dogs on you.


EMPLOYERS Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the CVs into the bin.


MEN When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to the volume you desire; then turn it down three notches. This will save your wife from having to do it.


GAMBLERS. For a new gambling opportunity, try sending £50 to yourself by Royal Mail.


BANGING two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that a very small horse is approaching.


DRIVERS. If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and wave your arms frantically.
This should help the car start and send them on their way.


PREVENT burglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the morning, simply move it all back again.


CAR thieves Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the valuables may be hidden in the glove box or
under a seat.


MOTORISTS Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large
shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.


SHOES last twice as long if only worn every other day.


SINGLE men Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing outside Etam or Dorothy Perkins with several bags of shopping,
looking at your watch and occasionally glancing inside.


BOIL an egg to perfection without costly egg timers by popping the egg into boiling water and driving away from
your home at exactly 60 mph. After 3 miles, phone your wife and tell her to take the egg out the pan.


McDONALD'S Make your brown carrier bags green in colour so they blend in with the countryside after they've been
thrown out of car windows.

More Pearls of Wisdom (Friday Fun) - According to Viz

DON'T waste money on expensive iPods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it.
If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you like and hum that instead.


CINEMA goers. Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by having a p*ss before the film starts.


RAPPERS. Avoid having to say 'know what I'm sayin' all the time by actually speaking clearly in the first place.

DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your identity stolen.
Simply place a dog poo in the bin bags along with your old bank statements.


WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red wine?
Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to remove the stains.


MURDERERS Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it to yourself via DHL.
You will never see it again.


BURGLARS. When fleeing from the police, run with your right arm sticking out at 90 degrees, wrapped in a baby mattress in case they set one of their dogs on you.


EMPLOYERS Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the CVs into the bin.


MEN When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to the volume you desire; then turn it down three notches. This will save your wife from having to do it.


GAMBLERS. For a new gambling opportunity, try sending £50 to yourself by Royal Mail.


BANGING two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that a very small horse is approaching.


DRIVERS. If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and wave your arms frantically.
This should help the car start and send them on their way.


PREVENT burglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the morning, simply move it all back again.


CAR thieves Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the valuables may be hidden in the glove box or
under a seat.


MOTORISTS Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large
shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.


SHOES last twice as long if only worn every other day.


SINGLE men Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing outside Etam or Dorothy Perkins with several bags of shopping,
looking at your watch and occasionally glancing inside.


BOIL an egg to perfection without costly egg timers by popping the egg into boiling water and driving away from
your home at exactly 60 mph. After 3 miles, phone your wife and tell her to take the egg out the pan.


McDONALD'S Make your brown carrier bags green in colour so they blend in with the countryside after they've been
thrown out of car windows.

Thought for the day ....

Q: How do you make God laugh?

A: You tell Him your plans.

Good Luck,
Allen

Thought for the day ....

Q: How do you make God laugh?

A: You tell Him your plans.

Good Luck,
Allen

Frustrating questions ! - Some Friday Fun!

First Question:

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What
position are you in?




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~







Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are
absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person, you take his place,
so you are second!

Try not to screw up next time.
Now answer the second question,
but don't take as much time as you took for the first one, OK ?

Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?







~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~







Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong
again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?


You're not very good at this, are you?







Third Question:
Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only.
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.



Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30.
Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000
Now add 10 . What is the total?




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Did you get 5000 ?

The correct answer is actually 4100.



If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
Today is definitely not your day, is it?
Maybe you'll get the last question right....
...Maybe.



Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.
What is the name of the fifth daughter?




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you Answer Nunu?
NO! Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary. Read the question again!



Okay, now the bonus round:

A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By
imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully
expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is
done.

Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of
sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?








~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~







He just has to open his mouth and ask...
It's really very simple.... Like you!

Frustrating questions ! - Some Friday Fun!

First Question:

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What
position are you in?




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~







Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are
absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person, you take his place,
so you are second!

Try not to screw up next time.
Now answer the second question,
but don't take as much time as you took for the first one, OK ?

Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?







~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~







Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong
again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?


You're not very good at this, are you?







Third Question:
Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only.
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.



Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30.
Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000
Now add 10 . What is the total?




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Did you get 5000 ?

The correct answer is actually 4100.



If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
Today is definitely not your day, is it?
Maybe you'll get the last question right....
...Maybe.



Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.
What is the name of the fifth daughter?




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you Answer Nunu?
NO! Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary. Read the question again!



Okay, now the bonus round:

A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By
imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully
expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is
done.

Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of
sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?








~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~







He just has to open his mouth and ask...
It's really very simple.... Like you!