Are you getting the picture?

By now, perhaps you're getting an idea of what I mean by this BIKE thing. I often refer to it as my BIKE philosophy. The reason I say it's uniquely yours is because no one can really tell you how to handle your personal challenges.

How you deal with anger, how you deal with fear, how you deal with the everyday challenges that sometimes get in your way (a flat tire, perhaps, or traffic on the way to work) is dependent on your response. Your response is dependent on your perspective. A healthy perspective comes from your willingness to observe and learn.

Take, for example, yesterday. I'd been on the road, traveling with other travel journalists for a week. On the weekend, I was able to fit in yet another two-day trip with my boyfriend. On Sunday afternoon, we drove home. It was an easy ride. But as we pulled into the Phoenix metro area, a sign on the freeway said the road ahead was closed. We needed to be on that road to get home. But we had to exit much sooner than expected, and take an out-of-the way path home. My boyfriend was in much too much of a hurry, I suspect, because when he found an open lane, he pulled in quickly. And since it was clear, despite all the cars backed up on the inside lane, he sped up. As he did so, a car pulled out of that backed up lane and into our clear one, the exit lane. It seemed like a move one might expect. But he got upset that this car pulled into his lane. He had to quickly put on the breaks. We nearly had an accident. I didn't think it was the smartest move on his part, the speeding up, I mean, and I told him so. He was upset with the car ahead, and he was upset with me. But I think he should have been upset with himself first. He didn't need to speed up. He should have anticipated a car pulling out in front of him, under the circumstances. Thank goodness there was no accident. He's over it now, of course, but I'm left to wonder why he wouldn't take some responsibility in this close call. It isn't the biggest issue in the world, but I may bring it up for discussion again sometime because I'd really like to know his way of thinking. I'm curious to know why he responded the way he did.

What I'm saying here is that you are responsible for your response in any given situation. If you can own up to that responsibility (and I don't think he did that in this case) you'll have less stress in your life. You'll be able to see things from more than one perspective, and your conflict will be lessoned.

As I was sharing my BIKE philosophy with a fellow writer a few days earlier, this writer told me that he had just spoken to a woman he knew had been divorced ten years earlier. He told me she was still bitter about it. I told him that's why I am continuing to share my BIKE story with others. Holding onto that kind of discontent toward another person does you no good. It holds you back. It locks you in the past. An accident, a divorce, a dispute of any kind--they each require the involvement, generally, of more than one person. In order to find the best result for yourself, you must know where your responsibility lies. When you own that, you'll own the best outcome you can control. When you understand that, you'll move forward without regret.

Where there is no regret, there is acceptance, and where there is acceptance, there is peace.

I wish you all peace.

All my best,
Jackie

I believe it does take a village

I just found out my daughter is moving back home after a living a little more than two years in another town, another state, another job.

The move back is unexpected but welcomed. It'll be nice to have my not-so-little girl close by again. My son, her brother who moved with her, plans to stay behind; he likes his life. (But I cannot help but wonder if his attitude will change once she's gone. Ummm.)

What brings her home is unimportant other than it shows me how well she can handle a challenge. She's found herself indirectly involved in a life-changing experience, and she's taking responsibility for helping make the transition go as easily as possible, not just for herself, but also for those nearest and dearest to her, such as her brother, who would otherwise be left in the lurch.

She knows it takes more than one person for chaos to occur in a relationship. And she knows how to focus on the solution rather than drain all her energy on the problem. That doesn't mean she doesn't vent. Trust me. I've heard it all. But that's okay. We all need those shoulders, and more importantly, we need to know where we can find them. I'm glad she knows.

I hope you know where your support system can be found. If you don't, today I encourage you to start looking. We are not alone on this journey. My son reminded me of that several years ago, and I can still hear his voice in my head when I need to be reminded again. "You are not alone, mom!" he said to me during one particularly angst-filled morning. His words were so comforting to hear at that moment, and I've never forgotten them. Just as that bicycle sitting my garage appeared at the precise moment when I needed it, his words did as well, and I know they came from a source greater than ourselves.

That's also why I know BIKE is more than just a ride; it's a spiritual ride. The time you have alone with yours will help you find your metaphorical village. Wherever your support might be, all you have to do is be open to the embrace when it arrives.

Enjoy the rest of your day not only knowning but also believing, "You are not alone."

Jackie